Mid-July, 2010

The hardest part about having Preston gone is that we don't get to talk on the phone. It would at least be manageable if we could talk even once a day, or every other day. At this point I'd take once a week! Anyways, in his most recent letter he said that he's been thinking so much about having a baby together. Yup, me too. I sent him a letter via snail mail today confirming his feelings. I did of course put some conditions on it: 1) We have to meet with a Perinatologist in August when he gets back. 2) We MUST make it a sincere matter of prayer and fasting. 3) We need to have faith that we will be happy so long as we follow the Spirit, whether It confirms that we get pregnant, adopt, wait longer, etc.

I am so grateful for the two little bugs that I do have right now. They are so sweet. The other day I told Brynn that I felt nauseous and like I needed to puke, she responded, "Hmmm...yup, you must have a baby coming in!" I laughed so hard and kissed her cheeks about a million times. I just told her maybe sometime. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was feeling sick because I'd worked outside in the yard in sweltering heat for a few hours!

Then last night Cade asked me if P Daddy and I have a baby together, does that mean he/she would still be his sibling? I told him that while it's a half sibling it is most certainly a real brother/sister. He was pretty excited about that! It look as though every member of our little family is trying to patiently wait for a way to be made for another one to come and bless our family in whatever way Heavenly Father provides!

July 2, 2010

I've decided to journal all of the feelings I have in reference to having another child. With Preston gone all summer with the Army, I tend to spend lots of time thinking about it, but not able to actually TALK to anyone about how I feel. I figure that writing down my feelings is about as close as I will come to getting to chat with my dear husband. It doesn't exactly help that I'm also a tad emotional because I miss P so much. Before he left we decided that I'd get into better shape just in case we do feel the go ahead promptings to get pregnant. This involves eating organic, eliminating the junk, and working out more.

I've also worked on some stress management and relaxation techniques. I will say that I have gotten much better at that in the past few years. My dad has a quote. It's one of P's favs.

"For every worry under the sun there is a solution or there is none."

So simple and so true. If there's a solution or an answer, figure it out. If not, then move ahead. I just have to keep my focus targeted towards the end goal in an effort to make it easier.

I've spent the past several days with Caden at the park. He's into soccer now and obsesses over practicing. We made a deal: every day that he does his daily chores without complaint, I take him to the soccer park to run drills and skill enhancement exercises. Cade loves the attention geared towards his passion, and I enjoy spending the time with him as mom and son. We run together, do passing drills, ball handling, dribbling, etc...if anything I hope to get some great memories from this as well as train my body to better prep for a possible pregnancy.

I'm grateful for the time I have to reflect on my many blessings at this stage in my life. I have a husband that is willing to do anything for his wife and children. I also know that I can talk to my Father in Heaven about His plan for us. It's a comfort knowing that no matter what happens, Heavenly Father is looking out for us and blessing us beyond measure.